Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
