Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
