He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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