he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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