I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
