He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize