Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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