You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
