I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
