our cab driver is having phone sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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