He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
