Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
