Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
