Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
