I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
