So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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