That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
