It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
