Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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