I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
