apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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