Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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