Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
