I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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