speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
