I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
