If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize