By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
