cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
pop tarts are not kleenex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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