The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
