hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
