...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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