ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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