One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
