So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
