I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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