11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize