On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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