We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
