did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
God, I missed his penis.
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