"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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