I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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