Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
