had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
