why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
