I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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