i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
