I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I smell like Dick and happiness
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
