She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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