John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
