Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
