this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
