Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
