my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
