dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
