I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
