True but thats because hes a fetus.
thus making me awesome and them whores
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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