why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize