Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
