Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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