I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
