I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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