If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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