Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize